In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
