I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
