i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
