Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
