I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
