She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
