Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
