That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
