doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I've blown a few things in my day
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
