I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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