Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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