Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
