I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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