you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
