if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
