I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
