Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
