i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
