All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
