Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
