I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
