I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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