i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
