I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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