kristin has been a bad kristin
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i dont even know how to be here
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
