If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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