I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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