bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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