...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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