He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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