Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
