RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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