paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
