so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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