so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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