Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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