That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
