Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
