I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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