he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize