every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
