ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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