Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
