Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
