The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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