If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Congratulations! We have a period
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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