My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
