So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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