I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize