There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
