the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
