Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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