It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
