whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
