Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
