There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
