Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
