how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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