Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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