All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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