I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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