Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
