Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
