hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
