Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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