Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
