I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
