So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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