how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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