In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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