He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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