I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
