you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
