this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
