So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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