my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
