The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
