Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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