what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
