OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
