Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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