living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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