I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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