You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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