I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
